We know that friends are very important to teens and young adults. Whether online or in person, young people spend time with their peers and care what their peers think and do.
We also know that young people do a lot to help their friends. Young people tell us that friends tell them when they are having a hard time, when there are problems in their families, when they are worried about something, or when something difficult has happened to them.
When you see something happen (a fight, someone who seems upset, hearing someone being bullied or called names), you are what we call a bystander. You see or hear it, but you aren’t directly involved as the person doing the action or feeling upset. Bystander sounds like someone who just stands by and doesn’t do anything. But we know from research that most young people, when they do see something, especially someone they know who is upset or in trouble or who they are worried about, take some sort of action to try to help.
These actions take many forms. You might cause a distraction to interrupt the harmful thing that is going on (“is that your car getting a parking ticket?”). You might get other people involved so that you aren’t helping alone (“hey let’s go check on her to see if she is okay”; “let’s talk to the coach”). You might offer support and a listening ear. You might take a direct approach (“what you said was really hurtful”).
Different situations call for different helping since not all actions will be safe in all situations. How you help also depends on who you are as a person. There is no one right answer here. But it can be helpful to build your skills as a bystander to help support your friends and peers. Many schools offer prevention programs that include bystander training. It may be helpful to talk to your friends about how you might best support each other in different situations. You might talk to leaders at your school or in your workplace about bringing in prevention training.
We also know that being a bystander can sometimes be stressful for the bystander. So, make sure you are also getting help and support for yourself.
Young people have many strengths, their secret or not-so-secret superpowers. What are the things you like about yourself? What are things that bring you joy? Help you cope with stress?
These strengths don’t have to just be about you as a person, they may also be about the connections you have to other people (who are your friends? Who are trusted adults who you can go to with questions or worries?), what do you like about where you live or work or go to school?
When people use these different strengths to help them get through hard times, we call that resilience. Research on resilience shows us that there isn’t one magic strength you need to have. It is about having lots of different ones that might help you in different situations.
Important strengths include being able to understand and manage your feelings (maybe you exercise or talk to a friend or a counselor; listen to music; practice mindfulness; write in a journal; spend time with a dog or cat or other animal friend).
Healthy relationships can also help during difficult times. Who are the people who help you feel like you matter?
People also get wellbeing from having a sense of purpose — maybe by helping a neighbor or a family member, by being part of a spiritual community or a team.
The important thing is that we can build these strengths like muscles. They can get stronger if we practice.
Social networks are a group of friends who spend time together and have shared interests, values, and experiences. Social networks can help adolescents and young adults feel like they belong, build confidence, and provide support.
Source: Mitchell, KJ & Banyard, V (2021-2026). Understanding Bystanders for Self-Directed Violence Prevention: A Prospective National Study Highlighting Marginalized Youth and Young Adults. Sponsoring Agency: National Institute of Mental Health 2021-2026 Original Grant Number: R01MH128269, unpublished data.
Good mental health helps young people handle emotions, build resilience and strength, stay connected with others, have healthy relationships, and do well at school and work. Mental health concerns are unlikely to get better on their own, so it’s important to seek help. Barriers to getting mental health treatment exist — here’s what youth tell us about that.
Many reported barriers that would affect their decision to seek treatment for a mental health problem from a professional, like a psychologist or counselor:
Source: Mitchell, KJ & Banyard, V (2021-2026). Understanding Bystanders for Self-Directed Violence Prevention: A Prospective National Study Highlighting Marginalized Youth and Young Adults. Sponsoring Agency: National Institute of Mental Health 2021-2026 Original Grant Number: R01MH128269, unpublished data.
Everybody needs a lift sometimes. some words of wisdom from peers to help lift you up.
We know it can be hard to know where to start when accessing mental health resources. If you are struggling and want to speak with someone about how you are feeling, here are a few trusted resources we encourage you to reach out to.
